Ive ran out of ideas on how to help myself if I’m not even aloud to .. My names catherine clinton and I’m 19 years old .. I suffer with a medical condition .. Iv been to to many doctors in the past 3 years .. MRI’s scans .. Tests .. Iv done it all .. Its something no ones ever seen before and I could never get help .. Ill live with this problem for the rest of my life .. I never go out and can hardly do anything other then work .. Because its killing me .. Iv hated my life for a long long time now because I can’t be normal .. I can’t handle the pain my bodies causing to me .. Its killing me and I hate not being able to help myself .. Iv been a smoker for a long long time now .. Since I moved to jozi .. I come from a small town called jeffreys bay .. known for bluNt and surfing its part of who u are growing up but that’s not the point we’ve just grown up in a way where its not illegal .. I smoke bud to ease my pain .. iv been smoking it and its been working for me .. Its the only thing I can do that helps me .. And that I can afford .. I use to take 8 tablets a day and then the amount just went up and up until they put me on cancer patches .. Which made me black out and throw up .. They are to strong and my system is to week .. I haven’t touched any pills for the past month iv just been smoking medical mj and its really really working .. My mom stays in jozi and she says its bullshit .. And my dads in jbay and he believe me you know .. Its just her that say it doesn’t help .. And no one seems to believe I need it .. I’m scared to ask my doctor to help me because I’m scared he arrest me or something .. The problem is I have no way of buying it now .. Or smoking it .. I don’t do any other drugs and I hardly ever drink .. On friday I went to gold reef with my brother and my boyfriend .. They don’t smoke its only me .. And I only carry one joint with me where ever I go .. Just in case .. But anyways so we went to gold reef and I smoked half the jay on the way there ..I nipped it and rapped it under a easter egg paper and put it in my side of the door .. *Passenger side* and we went in at 11 and came out and 12:20 .. Because it was to cold and I started feeling sick so we wanted to leave .. We got to the car and a security car was parked next to ours .. A white cop got out didn’t say anything at all except “what’s in this door ” .. My bf and brother didn’t know it was hidden there only I did .. How did that security know it was there before we opened the car it was hidden .. He knew exactly where it was .. And I told him right away it was mine . I didn’t deny it or hide it I said it was mine. I showed him my arm that’s almost to the bone and I told him I smoked it to help me .. He searched me and the 2 boys .. And the car and found nothing only half that joint left . They took me into the waiting room and made me sit there in the cold while I waited for the pigs. I sat there until 1:45 .. And then the cops got there I told them the story and they arrested me .. I had to go to the station .. I’m not a druggy and I was so scared they laughed at me and they made me sit in between the two of them in front of a police buckie .. I know I was wrong and I was willing to go to jail for it . I’m trying to save my own life I’m trying to wake up everyday strong enough to face each day .. It was half a joint .. And they arrested me .. 2 months before they arrested my bf for going to buy me some ..he really really doesn’t smoke he went to buy for me .. He knows how much pain I’m in so he is willing to do anything to help .. And I’m to scared to go buy myself its not safe for a girl to go into these places iv almost been stolen once .. I’m not a bad person and I really don’t want any trouble .. Iv had a really really hard life .. And I just need to start getting better .. Smoking weed is the only thing that’s helped me .. And I can’t even do it anymore .. I’m not aloud to carry it with me or go and buy it for myself .. I’m asking u .. If u can find it please please help me .. I’m begging u .. I don’t know what more to do .. You are my last hope .. I hear what amazing people u are and what your doing and its amazing .. You are my hero .. Standing up for something we so badly need .. I need a place where I can safely go buy without being arrested or feel like my life is in trouble .. Or if I can get a license or something I don’t know what I can do .. I haven’t smoked since friday after being arrested and it feels like I’m dying .. I’m only human trying to be human .. But I can’t be .. Not as long as I can’t even save my own life .. Its made me feel like I can be someone when I’m older when before I just excepted my fate and I just wanted to die .. But I want to live my life now .. And I feel that no one has the right to tell me I can’t smoke weed because its illegal .. Alcohol is illegal and kids still drink it .. God made our herb .. The world made drugs .. Why is our only option what man does even if its not right … If I go back on my meds my life will be over .. Ill have to stop working again and just staying home .. The drugs the doctor gives people don’t help us .. It just makes me feel like I’m usless .. Like I’m a vegetable .. Please please help … Here is a picture of my arm and how small its gotten .. And how it looks .. I hope you have a bless full day my brother and sister xx and I hope to hear from you .. ONe loVe xx